How to become a Successful Rivethead

There are many obstacles on the Road to Rivetness, many of which have been covered here. However, only the most elite Rivetheads can ever gain that upper level of success. Remember, elitism is so essential to Rivetness that it's alright for one Rivethead to gain the upper hand over another.

The most successful Rivetheads have an extensive knowledge of dress, obscure darkwave acts, and in some cases, the basics of music creation. Also known as Creative Rivetheads, they have the ability to inject their creations with their hatred for life, beauty, and all things aesthetic. These creations become the pinnacle of the Rivetheads' culture. Of course, not all Rivetheads can make such creations. But, here's a couple lists that can get you started on your way.

First of all, you must have interaction with other famous Rivetheads before you can gain your own fame.

  1. You must have a song remixed by Bill Leeb.
  2. You must remix a song by Bill Leeb (you can pretty much tackle any song because they're all similar.)
  3. You must have been a member of Pigface at one time (don't worry, you probably were but just don't remember it.)
  4. You must list Al Jourgensen, Genesis P. Orridge, and F.M. Einheit as influences. If you want to appease a more diverse crowd, also list Kraftwerk, Front 242, and Portion Control. Trust me, that last one will get you a lot more respect. Only other Creative Rivetheads listen to Portion Control, so you can feel more elitist by listing them.
  5. Although not exactly Rivetheads, Can, Faust, Neu, Cage, and Stockhausen are names you should memorize, in the rare event that someone challenges your knowledge of Rivetdom. These names will silence all opposition and boost your own ego at the same time.
  6. Not on a Cleopatra compilation yet? Don't worry, it's easily arranged. Just make a cover song from an 80s New Wave or Industrial band and you're set. Also, you can use that Frontline Assembly remix you did in Step 2 as well.
  7. Try to arrange a meeting with Trent Reznor in an area where some of your friends will be. This might be tricky, but then you can brag to all your friends about how much of an asshole the guy is, and dissuade them from meeting him themselves. This is another tactic to lessen the amount of NIN fans (reference "Rivetheads vs. Other Musical Subcultures.") Conversely, you'll gain a lot of popularity for being seen with Trent. You might not enjoy the things people say about you afterwards, but it's more talk than you were getting before.
  8. Move on to the Advanced Rivetness List!
This second list deals with the basics of Industrial music and performances. This is a necessity to Creative Rivetheads.

  1. Read the section "How to properly name your Industrial band?" to get the title down first.
  2. No Industrial band is purely instrumental; you'll need lyrics and lots of em. Don't worry, you don't need to have much variance in your lyrics. As long as there's something about war, death, machines, digital interfaces, or a cybernetic virus, you're ok. Reference "How to write industrial lyrics?" for more information.
  3. Don't mess with small digital equipment, such as a portable DATs or FX units. The bigger the equipment, the more important you look, and thus the more intimidating you become. I would recommend a vintage Moog synthesizer, a 32-track mixing board, and the biggest damn analog synth you can find at your local pawn shop.
  4. If you reach the level of live performances, there is no alternative to a giant, slowly-rotating fan in the back of the stage and large metal structures scattered here and there. These structures can be towers that you can actually climb on top of, to exert your Rivethead strength and ingenuity.
  5. When you're singing during a show, don't worry too much about being clear. Remember all those little effects you put over your vocals back in the studio? Well, forgetting a line here and there and mumbling a chorus is actually recommended, because it in fact simulates these vocal effects.
  6. It is actually more Industrial to deviate from the normal Rivethead Wardrobe during a show. Pick out something that will stun most Rivetheads into a silent awe. A pink sweatshirt, perhaps a bathrobe or even a loincloth. These unconventional garments will cause more and more people to flock to your side, praising you for your anti-conformist stance.
  7. Lastly, it's usually a plus when you have videos of destruction and other scenes of warfare being played during your set. This is a little expensive but it's definitely worth it, there's really no other way to convey your feelings of agression than to show actual footage of buildings being destroyed, people set on fire, policemen abusing suspects, and/or violent gang wars.
Hopefully all these pointers will make you into a much more successful Rivethead. Not everyone has it, but if you follow these tips closely, I'm sure you'll be very pleased with the outcome.

Steve Eagle

Visitors Since 9/04/99
Last Modified: