How to Dance Like A Rivethead

Now that you have mastered the art of dressing like a Rivethead, and adopted their attitude as your own, youre ready to hit the clubs and meet others of your species. One of the most important ways of solidifying your status as a true Rivethead is being able to dance like one. Rivetheads do NOT dance gracefully. They stomp around, bumping into objects and other people, without stopping to say sorry. Rivetheads do NOT dance with their feet firmly planted to the ground. They are constantly kicking the air, or innocent, fragile, unknowing non-Rivetheads that are invading their dancing space. Rivetheads do NOT lip-sync to song lyrics, nor do they smile as they dance. At all times, their faces are possessed by an evil grimace or stare, because remember, Rivetheads hate the world. Rivetheads do NOT dance with partners; rather, they dance alone, in their defined space, which changes every time they stomp into a new corner of the dance floor. If this space is invaded, they will go to any means to eject the invaders, which sometimes involves such activities as brutal punching, kicks to the head and sometimes, being physically thrown off the floor.

Take heed: the TRUE Rivethead does NOT dance as if they are attempting to create a spider web, pull spider webs from a dark corner of the room, or trying to imitate a spider in any way. Rivetheads, if any thing will dance as if they are trying to destroy the spider web, complete with punching motions and head thrashing. This leads to the most important rule of Rivethead dancing: true Rivetheads do NOT dance like Goths. Instead, as they dance around the floor, hands clasped behind their back, evil grimace in placethey stomp around the dance floor trying to eviscerate all Goths in sight by kicking them, stomping on them, hitting them, or sometimes, scaring them off the floor just by looking at them. In other words, the more you look like youre out there having a fight with an invisible partner (or a real one) or trying to destroy anything and everything in sight, the more you will be accepted by your fellow Rivetheads and of course, you will truly feel like one. (Stacia)

Visitors Since 9/22/98
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