Industrial 101: Band Names

Naming your industrial band is simple. In fact, the name is often the most important part of an industrial band. An improper name means your cds will never be bought and your shows will not be attended - or, worse, attended by the wrong people. Like Mariah Carey fans.

To ensure that you have the most industrial name possible, follow these steps and then sit back and watch.

1) Make sure your band name is some sort of reference to science. Not just any science, though - not all of them are industrial. It needs to be a good science, a technological science, a science you can kill people with. Examples of good sciences are chemistry (Lanthanide Series!), biology (Epistasis!), and computer science (Neural Net!). Examples of bad sciences are economics (Bullish Market?), sociology (1990 Census?), and philosophy (Nietzche Cheese?).

2) Technofy your name even more. Add a version number or make your name correspond to MS-DOS naming conventions. Examples: Lanthanide Series 23, EPISTA.SYS, Neural Net v.4 WARNING: Make sure you choose the _right_ numbers. For instance, a 23 appearing anywhere will make a zillion Illuminati weenies buy your album and insure sales, but they'll also, worship you, and think they can talk to you about any random subject. Chances are any prime number will do, though. EXTRA WARNING: Do NOT replace words with numbers; you will lose all industrialness and become a rap or R&B group. Do you really want to be confused with All-4-One?

3) Add an adjective somewhere to make your name involve violence, fear, or pain. Good words still out in the open are "sharp", "thermonuclear" and "ten-foot pit with spikes." I recommend perusing Roget's Thesaurus.

4) Change "C" to "K". People will think you're German when you're not, and the common assumption is that industrial music is always better in German. If you're already German, throw in some extra "K" somewhere. WARNING: Do NOT double other letters, especially "d" or "g". Again, you will instantly become rap or R&B.

Adam K. Rixey

Visitors Since 11/15/97
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