Clerk: Hello, welcome to _____, may I help you find anything today?
Me: Oh sure, do you have the new Gary Numan Tour edition of Pure in your release books yet?
Clerk: Uh (the clerk turns red and searches the store for help, maybe a closet to hide in.) I'm not sure, is this Gary Numan related to Randy Newman?
Me: Err, no, but he DOES sort of play a piano!
Clerk: Is he a country singer?
Me: (Goes Crazy, tries to contain it) HEE IS.. AN INDUSTRIA-- never mind, this might be too much for you to understand...
Clerk: Can you give me an example of where I might have seen his before?
Me: Yeah, no problem, did you ever see that Fear Factory Video? With all those assholes in it with bad haircuts? Well, Gary Numan was the only cool looking guy there, he kept giving that little boy dirty looks all the time? THAT'S him! (I say with a triumphant shout of joy)
Me: This is IMPOSSIBLE!!! Where in this country can I find some knowledgeable sales staff?!?!
Clerk: No really, I want to help you! how about if I look it up in the computer for you?
Me: Yes, thank you, that would be very nice. (the clerk stops in front of a customer-use inventory computer) (sheesh, I could have done that)
Clerk: What's his name again? Gary Newman?
Me: No, it's nUUUUman, Lemme type that.
Clerk: Ah, well, it says we don't have it in yet, but we could try and order it for you, how's that?
Me: (faintly remembers trying to order a Leather strip CD many months before) no thanks, I'll just come back next month.
Clerk: Oh look, we have THIS one! (shows me copy of The Pleasure Principal) is THIS the guy you were looking for?
Me: Yeah (wishes I could have a credit card)
Clerk: Looks sorta faggy to me... is this disco?
Me: (jumps over the counter and rips the clerks head off, shits down her throat and buries her corpse among the ashes of the store, after I've burned it down of course.)
Written by: Nicholas Christopher Leur