Industrial as a Religion
Despite the fact that industrialheads can belong to any religion, and
frequently do, it is always best to at least ostensibly belong to the most
obscure cult you can. Membership of Thee Temple Ov Psychik Youth will guarantee
you mythical status amongst those who aren't actually aware of the fact that to
become a member, you have to send a jar of your bodily fluids to a PO Box
address, on the 23rd day of the month, 23 times. Those in the know will quite
accurately presume that members of this cult are Complete Wankers.
In short, it's generally better to start your own religion:
- THE FIGUREHEAD: Take your pick - TRENT REZNOR, OGRE, MARK SPYBEY or
MARY MARY will do. MARY MARY is probably best ("Hail Mary!" etc)
- THE MYTHICAL NUMBER: 5
- THE INITIATION RITES: Find Ogre, tie him down and lick him. You'll end up
with only one or two cult members and everyone wanting to join.
- THE SACRED SYMBOL: Anything vaguely pointless with the Magick Eye squarely
in the middle of it.
- THE SILLY SPELLING: Thee (the) Ov (of) Magick (magic) - extra "K"s and "E"s
generally go down well. Look back to the stupid secret
languages you made up as a kid and raid those for alternative spellings.
- THE CONTENT: Either mix up all the other religions at random, making
a point of Buddha (any point will do) and that the key
to spiritual enlightenment is gleaned through (a) sex
(b) drugs and (c) sex while on drugs. Preferably with sheep.
- THE CULTISHNESS: Be excessively paranoid. Believe every conspiracy
theory you hear. Worship aliens (especially Alien Jourgensen). Convince people
to break away from their families and give you all their money. Failing that,
convince them to stay out late and give you all their snakebite.
- FINALLY: If all else fails, tell people you belong to the
Elvis-As-Alien-worshiping cult from the US of A.
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Last Modified: Monday, 24-Sep-2012 16:42:58 MST