PRODUCER ONE: "So who are we gonna get to play the Reznor kid?"

PRODUCER TWO: "Easy. Keanu Reeves. Throw a wig on 'em, he's ready."

P1: "Easy is right. Okay, what about this Orridge guy."

P2 (squinting): "Who?!"

P1 (reading with exaggerated slowness and care) "'Genesis P. Orridge.' Jesus, these industry music guys have some weird names..."

SECRETARY: "Sir, don't you mean 'music industry'?"

P1: "Never interrupt me when I'm talking to myself, goddamnit! -- And for your information, it's 'industry music'. That's what they call it, and by God that's what we're gonna call it, too. Now where was I?..."

P2: "Mr. Porridge. Whatever. Jesus, where the hell are we gonna find someone this butt-ugly anyway?"

P1: "We'll sleep on it... Now what about this Ogre guy?"

P2: "Keanu Reeves."

P1: "Don't crack wise with me--"

P2: "I'm serious! It's an Oscar bid for sure, an actor in a dual role!"

P1: "Oscar bid, my unshaven ass!" (Holds picture of Ogre at arm's length) "I'm thinking... one of the Baldwin brothers. The young one."

P2: "How about this one?" (Holds up snap of Al J.)

P1: "Eeyeesh. They let Manson out?!"

P2: "That's Ministry, you bonehead! Who do we get?"

P1: "Oh, *him*. Keerist, I dunno. Antonio Banderas. Isn't he part-Cuban too?" (P2 makes choking sounds) "All right, fuck it. Who else you got in the pile?"

P2: (Holds picture with tweezers and speaks slowly and with great disdain) "A Japanese guy jumping around on stage naked and shrieking into a microphone and ... Christ, he *is* masturbating."

(Long pause. P1 turns to secretary.)

P1: "Sophie, bring that guy in who was piching that thing to me the other day. The movie version of Kurt Cobain's suicide note, with Brad Pitt as the pen and Kate Moss as the paper..."